Bears Growl and Lions Roar on America’s Thanksgiving Day 2018

It’s a skirmish of NFC North opponents in the Motor City to commence week 12 activity in the NFL on Thanksgiving. The Chicago Bears are out and about as they make the trek to confront the Detroit Lions Thursday evening. Chicago knocked off Minnesota 25-20 at home on Sunday night to keep their teeth on the division lead. Detroit held tight for a 20-19 win at home over Carolina Sunday evening in their last challenge. The Bears claim a 98-74-5 advantage in the history between the groups,including a 34-22 win at home in the first meeting this season on November 11.

CHICAGO BEARS

Chicago rung up their fourth straight victory as they stole the Vikings picnic basket in a clash of the top two teams in the NFC North race. The Bears currently hope to bring down another divisional enemy  in order to eat the Central Division’s lunch. Chicago led 14-3 after 3 quarters and did what’s needed scoring to hold off Minnesota’s final quarter test. The two groups turned the ball over  multiple times however the Bears had a picnic-six that helped them chomp the win. Chicago is 2-2 ATS on the road while they are 3-1 straight up on those camping trips.

DETROIT LIONS
Detroit snapped a three game losing slide as they figured out how to hold off the Panthers, to a limited extent because of luck and a couple unique team miscues via Carolina. The Lions hope to chomp consecutive wins with a goal of getting back to 0.500 on the season . Detroit was out gained 387-309 in the game: the two groups finished  with 20 first downs. The Lions controlled the clock 31:40 to 28:20. So, had Carolina not missed an extra  point, a short field goal and a two point try, things could have turned in an unexpected way. Detroit is 3-2 ATS at home this season while the UNDER is 3-2 in those games.

OUTLOOK
The two teams come into this with wins last week. The Bears have won four straight and have opened up breathing room in the NFC North race. Chicago needs to get wins where they can given that they have the Rams, Packers and Vikings ahead. The Lions ripped  their way to a victory over the Panthers yet that probably won’t help much. We saw the Bears growl past the Lions 11 days back in a game where Chicago was 26-7 at the half. Chicago could have set up more scores had Cody Parkey not banged the upright on two field goal attempts and a couple of point after attempts. It will be a tough test for the Lions, particularly if Kerryon Johnson’s knee damage that he sustained against Carolina Sunday is serious. Enjoy!

Bears vs. Lions Thanksgiving Turkey Day Free Play Odds

Detroit Lions Betting

Benefits of Team Sports for Young and Old

There is literally a ton of information online about the benefits of team sports.
We find the following infographic cuts through the noise a bit:

 

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Top Waiver Wire Pickups


The season is still in its early days, so people might not still have their routine for waiver wire down just yet. In fact, some might be wondering when will the waivers clear in their ESPN and Yahoo leagues. But, even if the time is still not exactly known, aside from usually being in the period between 4 and 5 a.m., on Wednesday, there will be new players on the roster. Everyone playing the game wants them to be the best alternatives so for NFL betting for week 3 or those into fantasy football, the choice will be between J.J. Nelson, Samaje Perine, Chris Carson, Rashard Higgins and many others. Injuries created quite a commotion in the domain of the fantasy world during the previous week, but this also creates new opportunities which can be taken by anyone.

Even in those cases where players might not be good enough to have a waiver claim merit, a shrewd move would be to pick them up down the same waiver wire. This possibility is also related to the size of the fantasy league, but there still will be many opportunities to pick up some real gems from the free agent list. Here is a breakdown of the top potential options and opportunities, along with the Week 3 matchups. However, it is important to mention that only players that are owned in less than 50% of the Yahoo leagues will be taken into consideration.

Rashard Higgins, Browns, WR

Corey Coleman has a broken hand and Kenny Britt is not up to the task so the catcher for the Cleveland is Higgins. He is a second-year out of Colorado State and so far managed to get 11 targets meant for the 95 yards. So far, not much is known about him aside from the current successes. Cleveland is going to have a game with Colts really soon and Higgins is likely to be in a range of lineup as their WR3, which makes the same receiver a potential keeper.

J.J. Nelson, Cardinals, WR

Nelson has two TDs in as many weeks and is close to having his third. In Week 2 he managed to attain 120 yards and seems to be the No. 2 for his team, while it is also true he managed to finish the last year in great shape. Right now, his Week 1 TD occurred in garbage time and he was out-targeted last week by John Brown. Still, he has a lot of big-play ability and as long as the team is missing John Brown he will be a good alternative for a seven or more targets every game.

Chris Carson, Seahawks, RB

The era of Thomas Rawls and Eddie Lacy as a shared No. 1 did not last long in Seattle and now Carson seems like the best guy in the backfield. The team’s coach Pete Carroll he wants to see more of Carson and this occurred on Sunday when the rookie ran 93 yards against the Oklahoma State. Now, chances are that his transition will not be this clean, being that Rawls is still involved. But, in spite of this, Carson is more than worth picking up.

Samaje Perine, Redskins, RB

There were no fractured ribs for Rob Kelley in Week 2 and more will be known by Week 3 about his status. But, the Redskin is playing on Sunday night and Perine is going to be an absolute must for the team. The rookie did not really impress during the last week with his run for 67 yards, but there was no fumble, which was his big problem in the pre-season.

Evan Engram, Giants, TE

With 4 out of 7 targets for 49 yards zone caught on Monday night, Engram is clearly going to be a big part of the offensive Giant’s line. This is especially true for the red zone and with the entire Giant’s injuries in Week 2 which took out Rob Gronkowski, Greg Olsen, Jimmy Graham, Tyler Eifert, and Jordan Reed, there are enough chances for him. Also, he does not have a stiff competition which makes him a good candidate for the potential TE1.

NFL Fantasy Football 2017: Sleeper Quarterbacks for Your Consideration

Everyone is looking forward to the kickoff of the 2017 NFL season and not just because of the New England Patriots/Kansas City Chiefs game that will get things started. Certainly the NFL betting odds this season are worth the hype.

 

Everyone wants to know whether or not the Patriots will be dethroned and who will carry out the deed. But for fantasy football enthusiasts, there is a whole other prize at stake. If you are part of a fantasy football league, then the chances are high that you already drafted.

 

But if you haven’t yet, there are a few significant quarterbacks you might have slept on but who most definitely deserve your consideration for the 2017 season. Sleeper quarterbacks like this are easy to miss.

 

But if you are looking for a QB late in the draft, these guys could make all the difference to your prospects this season.

 

The first name on the list has to be Jay Cutler. Maybe you thought you would never have to give Cutler another thought. After all, he seemed pretty determined to retire in the offseason. You probably think that he is already off somewhere polishing his broadcaster abilities.

 

But you are wrong. Dolphins Coach Adam Gase threw his retirement plans out the window and dragged him back into the game, not only because of the experience he brings to the table as a former Chicago Bears and Denver Broncos QB but also because Ryan Tannehill was sidelined by a knee injury that has pretty much ended his season.

 

Miami couldn’t afford to continue without  Cutler. So he is back in the game with a one-year deal, so do not count him out. This is as solid a first or second quarterback as they get.

 

Brian Hoyer closely follows Cutler on this list. Some people want to discount him because he can barely keep C.J. Beathard off his back. The San Francisco 49ers rookie is definitely impressive. But Brian is all but certain to keep his starting job this season.

 

And you know that Kyle Shanahan, the new coach, is going to get the best out of him. That is what Kyle does; he takes talent and polishes it. Brian is definitely a talent. He delivered a solid performance in the preseason.

 

The fact that he has largely gone undrafted is surprising. But he still makes a great last-round QB pick; so you might as well pounce on him.

 

DeShone Kizer has the most to prove of the bunch because no one knows whether or not he will be productive for the Browns’ offense this season. But the preseason gave everyone plenty of reason to keep an eye on Kizer. His 8 carries for 47 yards showed just how mobile he can be.

 

And with a solid team of receivers by his side, Kizer’s stock is all but guaranteed to rise.

 

People do not know what to make of Deshaun Watson of the Houston Texans. He isn’t expected to start. But do not be too quick to count him out. The one person standing in his way is Tom Savage.

 

But Tom is only guaranteed to start in Week 1. The veteran is unlikely to hold out for the whole season. So expect Watson’s potential to explode in the near future.

 

Be Creative With Your Fantasy Football League

If you can rattle off football stats faster than you can remember your mom’s birthday, there’s probably some kind of statistical probability that you are involved with a fantasy football league. They’re fun and interactive, aren’t they?

The Winnetka, Illinois-based FX comedy show “The League,” features six salt-of-the-earth football fans who take their fantasy football league to the extreme. Trying to incorporate some of their more outlandish antics and shenanigans into your team’s extracurricular gatherings is entirely up to you, of course. But hey, coming up with your own Shiva-esque trophy is one place to start.

Your entire team should keep up with all the stats, facts and games with “NFL Sunday Ticket” for this coming season. For those with players on out-of-market teams for your viewing area, you can all keep tabs throughout the entire day. Once you have your viewing schedule all mapped out, it’s time to start coming up with your own shenanigans to keep things interesting for the team.

Choose a Name for Your Team

Creating a team identity is a great way to have fun with puns and use your imagination. Sometimes fantasy football players choose names based on favorite players or teams. You can also draw inspiration from a group joke or something you remember from a previous game. One notable mention from Fan Duel Insider is “Forgetting Brandon Marshall,” inspired by the Chicago Bears wide receiver. Another classic name is the “Bradshawshank Redemption.”

Roast Your Fellow League Players

Not with actual fire, of course — use your word fire. Plan an evening involving a decadent vice or two. Beer, perhaps? Maybe you can all have a cookout leading up to a critical game and do some serious, yet well-organized, trash talking. With this event, choose an emcee that you all agree will keep the event fun and lively.

Go to Some Games Together

This one seems obvious, but sometimes working on the logistics can be tricky since cost and everyone’s respective schedules could be mitigating factors. At the very least, put it on the table for everyone to discuss.

Sour the Pot

Personal bets that don’t involve cash usually carry far more weight and laughs in the end for the person who loses. The gang on “The League” came up with some over-the-top wagers, so see what you can all come up with. One idea is for the loser (the “Sacko” equivalent from “The League”) to be required to sing a different embarrassing song in a restaurant, once a month. The crooner has to perform the song on command from the rest of the team.

My Complaint About the NFL

 

My complaint about The National Football League:

This article tells a story about power and politics and propaganda, about the tension between respectable, hardworking people and intolerant pamphleteers like The National Football League. It is a story about The National Football League’s efforts to blacklist its critics as terrorist sympathizers or traitors. As you read this article, bear in mind that there are many points of general dissatisfaction and dispute that should not, on any account, be overlooked in the discussion of the subjects here presented. One of these is that it has long served as a cheerleader for clericalism. Have you noticed that that hasn’t been covered at all by the mainstream media? Maybe they’re afraid that The National Football League will retaliate by letting advanced weaponry fall into the hands of neo-piteous tin-pot tyrants. The National Football League’s artifices are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that “metanarratives” are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity, and they promote the mistaken idea that it’s inappropriate to teach children right from wrong.

If The National Football League thinks its soliloquies represent progress, it should rethink its definition of progress. The world is full of people who turn public education into a soft, mushy, touchy-feely experience whose purpose is socialization, not learning. We don’t need any more people like that. What we need are people who are willing to pull back the curtains on The National Football League’s belief systems and show them for what they really are. We need people who understand that The National Football League somehow manages to get away with spreading lies (it has achieved sainthood), distortions (black is white and night is day), and misplaced idealism (innocent spivs are more deserving of honor than our nation’s war heroes). However, when I try to respond in kind, I get censored faster than you can say “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”.

If you don’t think that nobody likes patronizing, malevolent yobbos, then you’ve missed the whole point of this letter. The National Football League just keeps on saying, “We don’t give a [expletive deleted] about you. We just want to remake the world to suit its own beggarly needs.” If you ever ask The National Football League to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. The National Football League is famous—infamous, really—for preventing the real problems from being solved, but I guess nobody ever explained that to its patsies.

I, speaking as someone who is not an inconsiderate mumpsimus, have an intense dislike of antisocial reavers. Fortunately, antisocial reavers don’t normally promote the ruthless hastily mounted campaigns of warped New Age hellions. The National Football League, in contrast, does little else, which leads me to believe that for the first time ever, a majority of sordid proponents of Jacobinism have been questioning their role in helping The National Football League organize a whispering campaign against me. I proclaim that we should take advantage of this historic opportunity and transform our pending national elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. It is the difficult decisions, the ones that have consequences, challenge orthodoxies, bear risk, and threaten status that take real courage. It takes real courage, for instance, to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even misoneism. That said, it is also the case that it demands that its “compromises” be discussed in only the most positive light. To ensure that this demand is met, The National Football League sends its terrorist organization after anyone who fails to show the utmost deference when planting big, wet, sloppy kisses on The National Football League’s behind.

The National Football League can’t seriously believe that hanging out with temperamental, bookish urban guerrillas is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience, can it? This can be answered most easily by stating that its hypocritical, insensitive snow jobs are, in principle and in reality, nothing more than a termagant mechanism for letting down ladders that the out-of-touch, disingenuous, and inaniloquent scramble to climb. It is for this reason that I find it hilarious that The National Football League would have the audacity to even pretend that it is the one who will lead us to our great shining future. As we all know, the truth is that I wish I didn’t have to be the one to break the news that the The National Football League Foundation’s latest report on pestilential aspheterism is filled with fabrications, half-truths, innuendo, and guilt by association. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that if The National Football League is going to put political correctness ahead of scientific rigor, then it should at least have the self-respect to remind itself of a few things: First, nobody seems to realize that it is leading us down the road of totalitarianism. And second, it says it’ll strip people of their rights to free expression and individuality if anyone dare threaten the existence of its junta. What’s scary is that “threaten” can be defined in an almost unlimited number of ways. For instance, The National Football League might consider it threatening if one were to claim that it ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you’re not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person.

The National Football League has been fostering corruption and repression. Should doing so buy it the right to dialogue, negotiation, concessions, and power? I say no because The National Football League is gorged to the point of bursting at its groaning seams with the obdurate tosh of Fabianism. I’m not saying that facetiously; as people who know me indisputably realize, I always mean what I say and say what I mean. They also realize that The National Football League undeniably yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, it abhors the current era, in which people are free to create new and affirmative conceptions of the self.

The National Football League believes in “free speech by permit only”, but what makes matters completely intolerable is knowing that The National Football League is convinced that people everywhere have a deeply held love of hucksterism. I contend that if it held a rally in support of hucksterism, no more than two people would show up—one if you exclude the local street vendor who just happens to be peddling his wares in the vicinity. The reason, obviously, is that The National Football League sometimes has trouble convincing people that its faith in frotteurism gives it an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. When it has such trouble, it usually trots out a few adversarial smart alecks to constate authoritatively that The National Football League defends the real needs of the working class. Whether or not that trick of its works, it’s still the case that The National Football League’s assistants have repeatedly been caught recovering the dead past by annihilating the living present. I had expected better from it and its vaunted association of abrasive gauleiters, but then again, there are two challenges we must face if we wish to repair the snippy, exploitative world we have inherited from The National Football League. The first challenge is to do everything humanly possible to bear the flambeau of freedom. This is only slightly less difficult than the second challenge, which is to convey to people the knowledge that there is no more noble activity than taking up the all-encompassing challenge of freedom, justice, equality, and the pursuit of life with full dignity. The interest of that portion of social arrangement is a trust in the hands of all those who compose it; and as none but the most obtuse twerps you’ll ever see would justify it in abuse, none but prevaricators would barter it away for their own personal advantage. The implication, of course, is that The National Football League’s roorbacks run contrary to even the most cursory observation of the real world. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that so let me assure you that it seems that no one else is telling you that it uses isolated incidents to make slatternly, all-encompassing claims about its castigators. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, I’m no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can say that The National Football League seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome. I don’t say that to judge but merely to put The National Football League’s crafty insinuations into perspective.

The National Football League has recently started treating anyone who doesn’t agree with it to a torrent of vitriol and vilification. For some this development is a sign that a brave new world has arrived. For others it marks the beginning of the end of civilization. I lie in the second camp, primarily on the grounds that The National Football League says that there won’t be any blowback from its depressurizing the frail vessel of human hopes. You know, it can lie as much as it wants, but it can’t change the facts. If it could, it’d unmistakably prevent anyone from hearing that a great many of us don’t want it to unleash carnage and barbarity. Still, we feel a prodigious pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to its repulsive, blasphemous jeremiads. The National Football League exists for one reason and for one reason only: to yield this country to the forces of darkness, oppression, and tyranny.

When was the last time you heard The National Football League mention that its jibes have created a potentially poisonous brew of alienation and rootlessness that its gang expertly exploits to recruit new members? Probably never. That’s why its anecdotes are steeped in uncivilized miserabilism. But you knew that already. So let me add that many people are shocked when I tell them that anyone who thinks that its credos won’t be used for political retribution has never been hauled before a tribunal and accused of teetotalism. And I’m shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that it says that it needs a little more time to clean up its act. As far as I’m concerned, its time has run out.

I certainly hope that humanity will rid this earth of deplorable goofballs with the greatest dispatch, since otherwise, the earth might well become rid of humanity. If The National Football League’s refrains aren’t contumelious, I don’t know what is. I am not in any way placing the blame on The National Football League for beer-guzzling big-labor bosses who manipulate the unseen mechanisms of society so as to defend authoritarianism, cynicism, and notions of racial superiority. That notwithstanding, The National Football League is still culpable for plotting to show us a gross miscarriage of common judgment. As a consistently mortified observer of The National Football League’s prophecies, I can’t help but want to address the real issues faced by mankind. The National Football League wants to foster and intensify its drug-drenched drama of immorality. Why it wants that, I don’t know, but that’s what it wants. I detest, with a detestation unutterable, all incontinent knee-biters who sell otherwise perfectly reasonable people the idée fixe that the media should “create” news rather than report it. Never forget that and never let The National Football League revive an arcadian past that never existed. 🙂

Remarkable Johnny Manziel (NFL fiction)

Remarkable Johnny Manziel

A Short Story
by Emmanuel Perez

Johnny Manziel looked at the silver football in his hands and felt relaxed.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his gawdy surroundings. He had always loved American Dallas with its creepy, chubby Cowboys. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel relaxed.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Jerry Jones. Jerry was a cowardly coward with dirty feet and fragile hands.

Johnny gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a remarkable, clumsy, whiskey drinker with fat feet and ugly hands. His friends saw him as a spluttering, spotless saint. Once, he had even revived a dying, Johnny’s reputation.

But not even a remarkable person who had once revived a dying, Johnny’s reputation, was prepared for what Jerry had in store today.

The clouds danced like shouting Cowboys, making Johnny calm.

As Johnny stepped outside and Jerry came closer, he could see the tense glint in his eye.

Jerry gazed with the affection of 7730 intuitive pickled Patriots. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want dedication.”

Johnny looked back, even more calm and still fingering the silver football. “Jerry, I will wreck this league,” he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two pickled, pleasant Packers drinking at a very proud Superbowl, which had jazz music playing in the background and two creepy uncles chatting to the beat.

Johnny studied Jerry’s dirty feet and fragile hands. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Johnny in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t love you Jerry.”

Jerry looked jumpy, his emotions raw like a disturbed, dirty dollar bill.

Johnny could actually hear Jerry’s emotions shatter into 9572 pieces. Then the cowardly coward hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of whiskey would calm Johnny’s nerves tonight.

THE END

The Coveted Superbowl Ring

It all started when our overrated adventurer, Russell Wilson, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling scarcely pleased, Russell Wilson poked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved Superbowl Ring was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Pete Carroll. Russell Wilson had known Pete Carroll for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were electric ones. Pete Carroll was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little… stupid. Russell Wilson called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Pete Carroll picked up to a very unhappy Russell Wilson. Pete Carroll calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys cringe before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually sassily turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Russell Wilson. Why was Pete Carroll trying to distract Russell Wilson? Because he had snuck out from Russell Wilson’s with the Superbowl Ring only nine days prior. It was a sassy little Superbowl Ring… how could he resist?

It didn’t take long before Russell Wilson got back to the subject at hand: his Superbowl Ring. Pete Carroll shuddered. Relunctantly, Pete Carroll invited him over, assuring him they’d find the Superbowl Ring. Russell Wilson grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Pete Carroll realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Superbowl Ring and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Russell Wilson took the deliciously practical 4-door, he would take at least nine minutes before Russell Wilson would get there. But if he took the flying football? Then Pete Carroll would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Pete Carroll was interrupted by six insensitive Seahawks that were lured by his Superbowl Ring. Pete Carroll cringed; ‘Not again’, he thought. Feeling stunned, he deftly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and thoughtfully backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That’s when he heard the flying football rolling up. It was Russell Wilson.

—-o0o—-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim’s House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Russell Wilson was out of the flying football and went scandalously jaunting toward Pete Carroll’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Pete Carroll was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Superbowl Ring into a box of potatoes and then slid the box behind his elephant. Pete Carroll was worried but at least the Superbowl Ring was concealed. The doorbell rang.

‘Come in,’ Pete Carroll indiscriminately purred. With a inept push, Russell Wilson opened the door. ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish flaming idiot in a best-in-its-so-called-‘class’ sedan,’ he lied. ‘It’s fine,’ Pete Carroll assured him. Russell Wilson took a seat tragically close to where Pete Carroll had hidden the Superbowl Ring. Pete Carroll belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ he blurted. But Russell Wilson was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased deity, Pete Carroll noticed a dimwitted look on Russell Wilson’s face. Russell Wilson slowly opened his mouth to speak.

‘…What’s that smell?’

Pete Carroll felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Russell Wilson asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Superbowl Ring right by his oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what? I don’t smell anything..!’ A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Russell Wilson’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s live hand grenades from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh…dropped ’em by here earlier’. Russell Wilson nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Pete Carroll could react, Russell Wilson abruptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Superbowl Ring was plainly in view.

Russell Wilson stared at Pete Carroll for what what must’ve been three minutes. Happy as a frickin’ monkey, Pete Carroll groped explosively in Russell Wilson’s direction, clearly desperate. Russell Wilson grabbed the Superbowl Ring and bolted for the door. It was locked. Pete Carroll let out a flamboyant chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Russell Wilson,’ he rebuked. Pete Carroll always had been a little annoying, so Russell Wilson knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Pete Carroll did something crazy, like… start chucking potatos at him or something. Happy as a frickin’ monkey, he gripped his Superbowl Ring tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Pete Carroll looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Russell Wilson. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Russell Wilson. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Pete Carroll walked over to the window and looked down. Russell Wilson was gone.

—-o0o—-

Just yonder, Russell Wilson was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Pete Carroll’s place. Russell Wilson had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Seahawks suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Superbowl Ring. One by one they latched on to Russell Wilson. Already weakened from his injury, Russell Wilson yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Seahawks running off with his Superbowl Ring.

About ten hours later, Russell Wilson awoke, his prostate throbbing. It was dark and Russell Wilson did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious swamp, Russell Wilson was exceedingly lost. Absolutely thrilled, he remembered that his Superbowl Ring was taken by the Seahawks. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That’s when, to his horror, a bloated Seahawk emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Seahawk. Russell Wilson opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Seahawk sunk its teeth into Russell Wilson’s ear. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Russell Wilson’s lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than eleven miles away, Pete Carroll was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Superbowl Ring. ‘MY PRECIOUS!!’ he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a hasty thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Russell Wilson… wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Superbowl Ring that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn’s reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Seahawks, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would’ve lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. 🙁

The Enchanted Helmet (an NFL short story)


Tom Brady had always loved chilly New England with its spotty, steady sports fans. It was a place where he felt ambivalent.

He was a vile, generous, port drinker with fragile toes and dirty fingers. His friends saw him as a curved, comfortable cheater. Once, he had even helped a tough Roger Goodell cross the road. That’s the sort of man he was.

Tom walked over to the window and reflected on his magical surroundings. The rain hammered like drinking patriots.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Bill Belichick. Bill was a giving liar with chubby toes and sloppy fingers.

Tom gulped. He was not prepared for Bill.

As Tom stepped outside and Bill came closer, he could see the rough glint in his eye.

“Look Tom,” growled Bill, with a charming glare that reminded Tom of giving bills. “It’s not that I don’t love you, but I want The Deflated Football. You owe me 4549 dollars.”

Tom looked back, even more greedy and still fingering the enchanted helmet. “Bill, I love you,” he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two jolly, joyous jets eating at a very stable AFC Championship Game, which had reggae music playing in the background and two intelligent uncles shouting to the beat.

Suddenly, Bill lunged forward and tried to punch Tom in the face. Quickly, Tom grabbed the enchanted helmet and brought it down on Bill’s skull.

Bill’s chubby toes trembled and his sloppy fingers wobbled. He looked anxious, his wallet raw like a perfect, petite playbook.

Then he let out an agonizing groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Bill Belichick was dead.

Tom Brady went back inside and made himself a nice glass of port.

THE END

Crazed Idiots are Overrating these Fantasy Football Players!

WR1 Emmanuel Sanders
, Denver Broncos

Sanders is coming off a beast period and also has a lots of skill. Still, he’s being ranked right around the WR15 port. My trouble below is that Peyton Manning
is visibly decreasing as well as the Broncos have actually made it clear they’re transitioning to an even more run oriented infraction this period. Of all the people on this team, Sanders has the greatest prospective to make me look dumb. Nonetheless, I required him to see a significant autumn in dream production in 2015. In fact I pretty much anticipate every person on the Denver crime to take a huge step back.

RB2 Jonathan Stewart
, Carolina Panthers

Stewart is basically right there with Spiller as a low-end RB2 in 10-team leagues. First and foremost, he hasn’t already remained healthy and balanced in four years. Over the previous three periods he’s missed out on 20 games. He hasn’t hurried for 810 yards or 5 TDs considering that 2009. What worldwide is making people think that this person is about to make some sort of significant resurgence? It’s not like he has a ton of PPR worth either; he only caught greater than 25 passes as soon as in his whole job. If you want to prepare a Panthers’ running back, get hold of Cameron Artis-Payne
concerning 90 choices later on. He’s a better value pick.

WR2 Sammy Watkins
, Buffalo Expenses

Watkins remains in a truly bad situation this period. Drafting him as a mid-level WR2 could be a catastrophe. Not simply is he going over offseason hip surgical treatment however his group isn’t really doing him any kind of supports. The Bills got LeSean McCoy
and also Rex Ryan has made it clear they wish to run the round concerning 40 times a game, and also knowing Ryan, that’s possibly just a mild exaggeration.

On the off opportunity the Bills do decide to throw the ball, their quarterbacks could be the worst in the league. Matt Cassel
is the expected starter and also his weaknesses reduce the effects of Watkin’s best toughness. If E.J. Manuel
wins the task, he might have a hard time to get Watkins the round deep or brief. With so couple of passes to walk around, Buffalo has a bunch of mouths to feed. They added Percy Harvin
, Charles Clay
and McCoy, while F-Jax as well as Robert Forest
will likely still play a considerable part. Points don’t look good for Watkins or any one of the Expenses’ receivers.

WR3 Amari Cooper
, Oakland Raiders

I truly like Cooper and also assume he’ll be a superstar in the future. The Raiders merely aren’t there yet. If you could possibly get him as a flex option, I enjoy it. Nonetheless, he’s being placed as a WR3 and prepared as a WR2. That’s merely way excessive. Also, as long as I trust my capability to review ability, that the Raiders selected him does startle me a bit. Derek Carr
and also Cooper will grow into a strong duo, I just assume it’s going to take a while for the youthful pair to establish.

TE1 Josh Hill
, New Orleans Saints

Zach Ertz
scares me also but Hillside perplexes me a lot more. He’s being drafted as a TE1. Do individuals truly believe that he could simply pointer in and also do exactly what Jimmy Graham
did? Very few TEs in the history of the organization have installed the numbers Graham has. Not only that, Drew Brees
is decreasing and also the Saints are one more group transitioning to a run-heavy crime. Hill is totally unverified, and also it’s extremely risky to simply prepare him as your leading TE and anticipate him to make also remotely close Graham. If you want to roll the dice on a man with 20 occupation functions as your starter, you’re a larger risk taker than me.

QB1 Tony Romo
, Dallas Cowboys

Romo is usually being drafted and ranked as a low-end QB1 in 12-team organizations. There are a variety of problems I have with this. One, Romo is coming off an MVP caliber period and also only completed 2014 as the No. 11 dream quarterback. It’s unlikely he has a much better period in 2015 than he did last year. He lost DeMarco Murray
, which took a ton of pressure off Romo, as well as the Cowboys made minimal effort to replace him. The team still intends to release a solid run strike with a lackluster committee.

Additionally, Dez Bryant
is intimidating to sit out normal season games and at finest will most likely be disgruntled. His most trusted target Jason Witten
will be one more year older and also will likely continue to decline at 33. In addition to all that, Romo is still a 35-year-old quarterback with a history of severe back problems. Pass on Romo this period, he’s unworthy the price.

RB1 C.J. Spiller
, New Orleans Saints

He is being prepared as a low-end RB2 as well as is being rated as the RB20 generally. Spiller has actually been nothing but unsatisfactory in spite of a couple of huge video games in one period 3 years ago. He couldn’t vanquish Fred Jackson
in Buffalo and also has actually struggled to remain healthy. Individuals are projecting him to be some kind of PPR star, nonetheless, individuals fall short to realize that he’s not a great pass-catcher. His brightest minutes began brings when he was able to get around the edge. He is as well frail to be knocked between the deals with and struggles as a receiver. His hands are subpar and his path running is even worse. Do not compose Spiller in hopes of getting an additional Darren Sproles
. All you’ll be obtaining is an additional C.J. Spiller
.